Trying for okay
by Shannanigans
Summary: A quickly-put-together tag to Swan Song. They were all just trying to be "okay" now.


**Set after "Swan Song", this feels sloppy and a bit disjointed, but after that finale **_**I**_** feel disjointed! I need some schmoopy fan fic to get me through the long summer! Please read and review if you get the chance. Thanks! ~Shannon **

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Dean didn't tell Lisa about his promise to Sam about the "apple pie life". He took in all the comfort he could from the hugs to the warm, cozy dinner. As he left Lisa's he turned one last time to thank her. "You can't ever really know how grateful I am for this night, Lis'. I have to go now, but thank you. Really. Thanks for getting me through this night."

Lisa smiles at Dean sadly. "You can come back, you know. We'll be here."

"Goodbye Lisa." _Dean looked into her beautiful eyes knowing that this was probably the last time he'd see her. It's not that he is trying to avoid his promise to Sam. It's just that Lisa and Ben, the whole thing was just… wrong. It wasn't his life. Not that he knew exactly what his life should be now. Perhaps he should just take some time to figure that out._

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_Sam didn't know where he was. He felt like he was floating, but at the same time, he couldn't move. This scared him. Where the hell was he? Hell? God, he hoped not. He tried shaking his head without much luck. Finally things came a bit more into focus and he was able to open his eyes. _

_Hospital. _

_Hospital? What? Why was he in a hospital? Wasn't he supposed to be in "jail", a nice tidy cage with Lucifer and Michael? He was dead… right?_ Now Sam was really confused and upon reflection, really, really hurt. His head felt fuzzy. Every time he tried to turn his head, the room swam. His muscles were tense, painfully clenched. In short, he felt like he had gone a round with the devil, and lost.

The change in Sam's vital signs brought in the nurse. She had a kind face and a warm smile. "Sir?"

Sam squinted in her direction, finding it hard to focus on her. "Hm?"

"Sir, you're going to be okay. You were in some sort of accident. You were brought in by ambulance three weeks ago. How do you feel?"

"Three weeks?" Sam attempted to sit up higher in the bed, but failed. "I've been here three weeks? Wh… where's Dean?"

"I don't know a Dean, but right now what I do need to know from you is your name. You were brought in without identification." The nurse looked at Sam hopefully, maybe now he would be able to fill in the blanks.

Sam cleared his throat. "Sam. My name is Sam. Sam Singer."

"Sam… it fits. You look like a Sam. Sam, I'm Shannon. Are you in any pain?"

"M… my head hurts, but I can handle it." Sam looked around the room. "Did I happen to come in with a cell phone?"

"No, no cell phone. I'm sorry. You came in as is; just the clothes on your back. Hon, let's see if we can do better than simply 'handling' your pain. You won't get better unless you rest. You cannot rest if you are in pain." Shannon pushed a needle into Sam's IV. "There, now why don't you try to get some sleep. We can work on everything else as it comes."

The lines on Sam's face softened. He leaned back into his soft pillow. He felt fuzzy and a bit confused. "C'n you call D'n?"

Shannon patted Sam's hand. "We can concentrate on Dean once the doctor looks you over, Sam. Everything will be okay."

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Three weeks. It had been three weeks since he'd lost Sammy. Dean was doing his very best to live. He'd promised Sam, after all. Even though he couldn't stay with Lisa, he could still attempt to live some semblance of a life. Dean had settled near Lawrence, never wanting to be too far from where he last saw his brother. He was currently staying in a motel; surely Sam would understand that not everything could change overnight. He'd tried to get work at a few garages around town with no luck. Eventually he settled for a job a greasy old diner. He did a little of everything; cooking, cleaning, maintenance. It suited him fine and everyone was pleasant enough, they didn't seem to mind that he kept to himself.

Dean knew that it would be so easy to drink himself silly every night. It would be so easy to just… let go like that. He knew that wouldn't be on Sam's to-do list for him, so he kept that under control. Tonight Dean was looking in the local paper, not for a hunt this time, but for the apartment listings.

He couldn't lie, not to himself. He knew he was running on autopilot. He was trying so hard to do what he thought Sam would want him to do, but he wasn't really "present". Dean's mind was always lost in an old graveyard outside of Lawrence. He would do what he could to make Sam proud, but he just didn't know if he'd ever "feel" anything again.

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Sam woke the next morning to a doctor checking the chart at the foot of his bed. "Good morning Sam. My name is Dr. Leeds, I've been taking care of you since you came in via ambulance. How are you feeling?"

Sam tried clearing his throat with no luck. The doctor helped Sam take a drink of water. "I'm okay I guess. What's wrong with me?"

"Well you are healing up, rather nicely I might add, from a nasty head wound. We don't know what exactly happened to put you in that condition, but we are very pleased that you have woken up and seem coherent." The doctor checked the chart one more time. "We may just be able to get you out of here soon, Sam. We need to run a few tests and observe you for a couple more days, then you should be on your way."

"Thanks doc." Sam watched the doctor leave the room. He was bombarded with memories of being possessed by Lucifer and almost beating Dean to death. The last thing he remembered was falling into the deep hole with Michael.

Sam sighed, "Dean where are you?"

Suddenly Sam felt a shift in the room and looked over to the window. Castiel stood there with the morning sunshine acting as a halo around his whole body. "Sam. It's good to see you."

"Cas? What? I… I don't understand. You were… dead. So was I, right?"

"Sam you jumped into the cage with Lucifer and Michael. I thought you were gone forever. But just as I returned, I believe God also returned you to your human form."

"And Dean? What happened to Dean?" Sam asked anxiously.

"Dean is fine. He is currently living near Lawrence. He is attempting to keep his promise to you, but is barely hanging on." Castiel looked at Sam in the hospital bed. "I believe he will be quite pleased to hear from you."

"I don't… I don't wanna scare him Cas. I don't think a phone call is the way to do this. Can you… can you bring him to me?" Sam was nervous, nervous about asking Castiel for a favor, but also nervous about seeing Dean.

"Of course, as you wish. He has been trying so hard to remain true to your memory, the promises he made to you, but as I said – he is having a difficult time."

"Thank you" Sam muttered. "Thank you Cas. I need to see him. I need to see Dean."

_Castiel disappeared from sight so fast, Sam wondered if it was all a drug-induced dream. He had to believe this was real. He had to. He didn't believe he deserved to be saved, but he believed Dean did and if this is God's way of repaying Dean – he'll gladly be a part of it. _

The afternoon nurse came in for rounds and checked on Sam. She noticed how pale and how keyed up Sam seemed. Without much thought, she pushed a pain killer and mild sedative into Sam's IV. "There hon, that outta let you sleep and you'll hurt a lot less too."

Sam looked up in panic, "Wait! I can't go to sleep now… Dean is coming!" Sam sank back into the bed and whispered as the drugs overtook him, "Dean is coming…"

The nurse adjusted Sam's blankets. _Surely whoever this "Dean" is, he won't mind if Sam gets some much-needed rest, right?_

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Dean sat at the small table in his motel room, a pizza growing cold in front of him. He sighed, shut the pizza box and shuffled over to his bed. Clicking on the remote, he settled on a local news show. Not really listening, Dean attempted to keep his mind off of Sam. A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. Dean opened the door to find Castiel standing before him.

"Cas? I thought… I ah, thought you didn't know how to knock? What are you doing here?"

Castiel ignored Dean's questions. "Can I enter? I need to speak with you."

Dean stepped aside. "Um, sure. What's up?"

Castiel entered the room. Dean noticed that he seemed… nervous. He lifted the pizza box lid and lowered it just as quickly. Dean cleared his throat. "One more time then… Cas? What's up?"

"Can you come with me? Do you trust me?" Cas looked into Dean's eyes.

"Why? Is something wrong? Is it Bobby?" Dean didn't know what to think.

"No, Bobby is… well, I assume he's fine. I haven't looked in on him lately. I just need you to come with me now."

Dean stood for a moment, taking in Cas's presence. Yes, he trusted the angel. Of course he did. They had fought a fierce battle together. Dean grabbed his coat. "Of course. Let's go." He said simply.

Cas stepped up to Dean and placed his hand on Dean's forehead. After a bright flash of light, they appeared in a hospital hallway. Dean looked around. "Cas I thought you said Bobby was fine. What are we doing here?"

Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulders and forced Dean to look into his eyes. "Dean. I am your guardian. I am also your friend. I need you to believe me when I say that this is real and that everything is okay. Now walk into this room," Cas gestured toward the closed hospital room door, "and everything will be okay."

"Okay. All these 'okay's' are making me nervous. But I trust you Cas." Dean took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. "Okay." He whispered as he opened the door.

Dean entered the quiet dimly lit hospital room. There was a tall figure in the bed facing away from him. He knew that shape anywhere. It was Sam. _But how could it be Sam?_ Dean slowly moved next to the bed and faced Sam. He sat quietly in the chair waiting there. _It looked like Sam, but how could it be?_ His heart was beating so fast he thought it would leap out of his chest. He was afraid to believe, afraid to believe that Sam was in front of him. The angel had said that everything was okay. Was he to believe that this was Sammy? A strand of hair covered Sam's eyes. Dean brushed the hair back gently. Sam sighed and leaned into the touch. Dean couldn't find his voice. Finally he croaked out, "Sammy?"

Sam's drowsy eyes opened into slits. He could barely focus and was swimming thanks to the drugs in his system. He knew though. He knew that Dean was finally there. "D'n" he breathed, closing his eyes again.

Dean sat and looked at his brother for over an hour before a nurse entered the room.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know he had visitors." she said, smiling.

Dean brushed the tears from his face, looked up into hers and smiled. "Yeah, he's my kid brother. How is he doing? He's been asleep since I got here."

"You must be Dean. I'm Shannon, one of Sam's nurses." She smoothed Sam's sheets and patted his hand. "He's fine. The previous shift had noticed an increase in his pain, so they gave him a sedative and some pain meds. He may be asleep for a while." She smiled while taking Sam's vitals.

Dean liked the nurse. She seemed to really care for Sam. "So he's gonna be okay?"

"Yes Dean. He'll be fine. He's been through a lot, but he'll be okay."

Dean sat back in his chair and muttered, "you have no idea." He spoke up, "thank you for taking good care of him."

Shannon saw the look of concern on Dean's face. "It's my job, but somehow I think it might fall under your job description too – am I right?"

Dean looked into her eyes. "Yeah, yeah it does. Thanks."

As the nurse left, Dean looked at Sam once again. They had a lot to talk about. A lot. But right now, Sam was here. Dean was here_. Everything was going to be okay_.

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Shannon was about to leave for the night, but she had one more room to check on. She quietly entered Sam's room and found a heart-warming sight. Dean was leaned over in his chair with his head pressed against Sam's leg, asleep. Sam's hand lay on top of Dean's head, he was sleeping too. There was nothing to be done for her patient. She knew he was going to be just fine. Turning to leave, she saw a man in a trench coat standing outside of the room. He had an incredible aura of peacefulness surrounding him. He was smiling too. As she passed him, he whispered "everything will be okay now". When she turned to agree, he was gone.


End file.
